My Sixtieth Post

So sometimes I have conversations with myself. One of the more common ones is the guilt-conversation. It usually goes something like this:

Me: You’re a bad person.
Me: Yeah. I can’t believe I just did that.
Me: How are you ever going to respect yourself if you keep up this sort of behavior?
Me: You’re right. I really need to work on improving myself.
Me: That’s right, let’s talk about all the things that are wrong with you…

So I was sitting here tonight, just sort of staring off into space, when my brain kicked in and started having a conversation on autopilot. It went like this:

Me: You’re a bad person.
Me: Yeah, you’re right… Wait. What? Why am I a bad person?
Me: You know… because, um… you’re behind in school.
Me: No, I’m not. The semester just started. You’re thinking of last semester.
Me: Well… you were a jerk to somebody earlier today.
Me: That’s not true. I was really nice to everybody today.
Me: Um…
…
Oh! I know! You slept until noon! That’s why you’re a bad person.
Me: Hm. That’s true. I can’t believe I slept for so long today.
Me: That’s right, you could have spent that time doing something productive. Like… like reading your scriptures! When was the last time you did that? Huh?
Me: Oh yeah. I kind of stopped after my whole reading binge in December. I should be doing that more consistently.
Me: Yeah, you should. You know what else you should be doing more consistently? Calling your grandparents. You only talk to them a couple of times a year. Don’t you think they want to hear from you on occasion? They’re not going to be around forever…

I really need to find the off switch in my brain when those conversations start. I can always come up with something I’m not doing right. Always.

Now I’m depressed.