My Eleventh Post

I love spring! I could just go outside and people watch in this gorgeous weather for hours if I had the time. I like to people watch... especially if I'm close enough to do a little eavesdropping as well. I hear the most random and crazy things while listening to complete strangers. It's just a brief glimpse into the complexities of the life of another human being.

You know what I’ve realized? In high school, I never really talked about my friends behind their backs. Now, I'm constantly talking to my friends about our other friends when they're not around. This especially happens with H and C. Every time I'm alone with one of them, we inevitably talk about the other one. I've been trying to figure out why this is.

I think in high school most of us were somewhat insecure with ourselves and our place in the social sphere of that world. When we finally became comfortable enough to identify each other as friends, we wanted to keep those relationships as a safe haven against the numerous other unknowns of social relationships in high school. So we weren't catty-- if we were angry with a friend, we made it pretty clear, and we usually resolved the problem before the day was over.

But in college, a lot of our friendships develop because of circumstances: we live together, we work together, we have a class together. And there isn't time to develop a truly strong bond because the circumstances that put two people together change too quickly. These are those ambiguous friendships that we're never sure about. Because the circumstances demanded it, we became friends. There is no safe haven. So we become defensive and withdraw from committing ourselves to a situation in which we can get hurt. And our frustration and curiosity leads us to ask for others' opinions. So we talk about each other and try to analyze exactly how we fit together. If only I could just let go and accept people and give them the chance to accept me. If only, if only.