Hiking.

So a while ago, Martin mentioned that we should go hiking sometime. I agreed, but the Arizona summer made it kind of impractical until just recently. Mostly because in July and August, the temperature jumps to 100 degrees the second the sun comes up.

But now it's cool enough in the wee hours of the morning that you can actually go outside without melting. You have until about 10 o'clock in the morning before you get back up into the 90s.

So I started looking. I looked high and low. But mostly online. I had high standards. A local hiking venue with established, clearly marked trails. It was a tall order, but I was committed to making this work. I did the research. I planned it all out.

But when I told Martin about it, she just stared at me blankly. "I didn't think you understand how this works," she sneered. "I suggest things, and we feel good about ourselves for our good intentions. Then we move on. I. Don't. Do. Things." Then she turned on her heel and made to storm off.

"Wait just a minute," I commanded. She froze at the tone of my voice. After all my awesome research, I wasn't willing to just let this go. "Be ready by 6:45 Saturday morning," I instructed. "We're doing this."


Now, once we got out on the trail I discovered something. I had assumed that since I am woefully out of shape, I would be the one holding us back. But as it turns out, Martin is a big fat baby. But we pulled each other through.

At one point we thought we had missed our turn off, and that we would be adding an extra three miles to our four mile hike. But just as we started looking for the second turn off, we found the first one... proving that we have absolutely no concept of distance. Like, at all.

In conclusion, we saw some nice views, we got awesome nice sun burns, and learned that we are nice hikers. Not very good at it, but still pretty nice.



Martin looked sick, stoned, or annoyed in all the pictures of her. So you get two of me instead. You are welcome, Internet.

Overreaction.

I made the mistake of forcing Martin to watch Grey Gardens with me. It's kind of a bizarre film, but the relevant bit is that the two main characters end up living in a house that basically rots around them due to their own negligence. Well, that and a lot of cats.


And because we have cats and haven't vacuumed in a few weeks, she thinks we're turning into those people. And she keeps glaring at me when I leave my dirty plate in the living room.

Sigh.

It's not like I'm tossing empty cans in the corner of the room.

Compromises.

Things which I yesterday promised to do for a five year old today:

1. Make grilled cheese sandwiches.

2. Paint her fingers and toes. Pink.

3. Bring my DVD of the Goofy Movie.
   

It was the only way I could get her to go to sleep. But, to be fair, they seemed like reasonable requests at the time.

Hairs Cut.

I know you were all concerned about the state of my hair. Have no fear, I didn't give into my late night impulses to chop it off myself. I went to a professional.


It was possibly the most expensive hair cut I've ever gotten, but that's really not saying much considering I've only ever gone to beauty schools and Cost Cutters. She did an awesome job. Look! Layers!


Aaand now I have bangs. Again.


Anyway, I like it quite a bit. It's still long enough to do stuff with it, but I don't have to deal with all the weight of it.


I'm super hot. Just admit it.

For the record, I have three brothers and three sisters. This post is not about them. Well, except Martin for a little bit.

So I convinced my sister Martin to go see Scott Pilgrim vs. the World with me. I had to promise to make it a double feature with Eat, Pray, Love to get her to come.* But it was worth it.

It was pretty awesome. Imagine a video game that is not based on a fantasy novel or an action movie or, um, fraternal plumbers, but is instead based on a romantic comedy. Aaaand then they made it back into a movie. That's this film. (For clarity, Scott Pilgrim is a series of graphic novels which was concurrently developed into a film and also a video game which were released around the same time. That time is approximately now.)

There are lots of video game references that may have had some subtler meaning, but made sense and were enjoyable on a surface level as well. And Michael Cera has managed to escape some of his typecasting trend of playing a shy, quiet, dork. I mean, not by much, but a little bit. He's still a nice guy who's a little down on his luck, but he manages to man up and fight for the girl. And *spoiler* finds a little self-respect along the way.

I think it might have helped a lot that I was in a room full of very excited people while watching it. They laughed at every punchline, applauded at every victory. They clearly wanted to be there, and (if their vocalizations were anything to go by) they enjoyed the heck out of it.

I don't know if you will like it, but I sure did.




*This is completely the truth and I am in no way exaggerating Martin's passionate desire to see the film Eat, Pray, Love.

How To Install Your Garage Door With Confidence.

Found sticking out of the VCR in the guest room at my parent's house.

It's not as bizarre as one might initially assume, since my dad has been building a garage for the last 10 years (...and has only recently gotten around to installing a garage door). But the title of the video just makes me giggle.

It sounds like an overly specific self-help video. Like "How to Make Friends While Trimming Your Mustache" or "Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior While Living In Madison, Wisconsin."

The News

What they said: "Covering both sides fairly and accurately."

What I heard: "Covering both sides fairly inaccurately."

To be fair, I'm not sure my interpretation is that far off the mark...

A tip for living with cats.

Martin's cats have an annoying habit of drinking out of any cup left unattended.

The trick to keeping your glass of water cat-free in this house is to leave a decoy cup. In most cases this needs to be a shorter cup with a high water-level, because it is easier for them to drink out of. Cats will always take the path of least resistance. It is science.

In which we build a thing.

Martin and I did a lot of furniture shopping when we first moved into this house, but we never really got around to doing anything with the big living/dining room area. Last week Martin broke down and bought a coffee table and a console table that she'd been eying for a while. The new tables made the seating area a little less bare, but also made the big empty space opposite the couch seem even more empty. So we made the trek to IKEA on Friday and bought the most giant bookshelf we could find.

I was teasing Martin that she would never be able to put it together by herself, and she needed to be nice to me so I'd help. At which point she decided she would put it together on her own. (Actually I think this was because I told her I would buy her Eureka Season 3 if she did it on her own. And then I called her a "tiny little woman" and laughed at her).

So Saturday morning I went to the kitchen to make donut-muffins. She went to the living room to build a shelf. For about twenty minutes all I could hear was ripping cardboard noises and wood clanking together.

Aaaand... then she gave up and we finished the shelf together while my muffins baked. But it looked so empty, and we were super tired. So we just shoved whatever we had on hand into the little cubbys.
Cute, no?We did leave some empty ones on the bottom for Humphry. He likes to sit on shelves, especially black ones so he can be a chameleon. And if there is stuff in the way, he is not shy about making room by pushing stuff onto the floor.
The end.

Family Matters

I was at my parents' house last weekend for such Independence Day festivities as: eating crap, blowing crap up, and a purely hypothetical game of Pregnant Lady Bingo. (Game cards featured such activities as: Make Her Cry During an Action Movie, Make Her Crave Gross Food Combinations, and Make Her Wet Herself While Laughing. Erm... hypothetical game cards, that is.) Um, anyway... my entire family ended up being there, mostly just hanging out. Which meant lots of babies and toddlers to keep an eye on.

Now, babies are cute and adorable things, but holding them can sometimes put a limit on which activities you can actively participate in. At one point we were playing a card game, and my youngest brother--age 15--ended up with one of the babies. He was struggling to keep her in check and keep track of the game at the same time, so he asked if someone with "baby skills" could take over. To which I replied "Oh, don't be so hard on yourself! Of course you have the skills of a baby!" Hee. I'm sooo funny. (He thought so too.)

Anyway, then Mean Mommy started bragging about her "skills of an artist," and things went downhill from there.
In other news, look at the baby dragon! Such a cute little burninator. Yes he is! *tickles his little feetsies*