The Shortcut to Enlightenment?

I have always been a very curious person. When I feel like I am out of the loop on something, I have a compulsive need to educate myself on the matter. For most things, I do not immediately delve into the deep, dark domain of decidedly detailed data.

(...might have gone a little overboard with the alliteration there.)

I am typically looking for more of a surface understanding. My most useful tool? The internet. Some days, my best friends turn out to be Wikipedia, IMDB, Acronym Finder, Amazon, Snopes, YouTube, Dictionary.com, and (of course) the almighty Google.

Here is a very incomplete list of things that I regularly search the internet for information on:

• Seemingly topical allusions/references I do not understand
• Song lyrics I can't quite figure out
• Status messages that seem like they might have a double meaning
• Apparently common conversation topics that I am unacquainted with
• Definitions of words I don't know
• Summaries of books I think I should know
• Jokes on TV I don't grasp
• Actors I recognize but can't place
• Current political events I have no actual knowledge of (but that keep popping up in discussion)
• Internet memes I have encountered but do not "get"
• Relative locations of places on maps
  

When I identify something I'm unfamiliar with, it niggles in the back of my mind until I can solve the puzzle. (niggles: 3rd person singular present (v.) 1. Cause slight but persistent annoyance, discomfort, or anxiety.)

So I look it up. I satisfy my urge to be in the know. I figure out the lay of the land before engaging in conversation on the topic. A quick internet search tends to give me a decent overview of the situation, allowing me the confidence to discuss things and feel like I am doing so in an intelligent manner.

I don't think there is a problem with educating myself. But what about when it comes down to discussing things with other people? Could my constant and instantaneous internet searches be construed as... cheating? Taking the shortcut to enlightenment? Am I misrepresenting myself to my peers by bandying about ill-gotten facts as though I am an expert on the subject?

I desperately want to appear intelligent and well informed when I talk to people. If you bring up a book I've never heard of, there is a fifty percent chance I will have it's Wikipedia entry open in 2 seconds flat. In fact, here is an example of a time when I did exactly that...

[A conversation I had in 2006, where I come clean about my internet search tendencies, mid-deception.]

Bonnie: We read Crying of Lot 49.
One of my least favorite books ever.
Me: Ah, the muted horn.
So deep.
Bonnie: Out of all the books we read this semester the one I truly sincerely hated.
Muted horn!
Holly, I am impressed by your knowledge of books you have never read.
Me: What's to hate about world wide conspiracy theories?
Bonnie: I don't know. It's a mystery.
Me: (You do realize I'm reading the Wikipedia article, and do not know such information off the top of my head? Though I am tempted to let you think I do.)
Bonnie: Wow.
I feel sheepish.
You were looking at Wikipedia the whole time and here I thought you were just brilliant!
I stand corrected.
Me: Now I'm sorry I corrected you. I like when people think I'm smart.
Bonnie: lol

A different friend of mine was recently telling me that she dislikes when I Google things while chatting with her. Once I am armed with the knowledge of the internet, I feel more comfortable talking about things authoritatively. This is a favorite past time of mine. But apparently, she feels like I am talking down to her.

And I'm not sure what to do with that. Obviously it's okay to let someone else be the expert sometimes. But... does that mean I should stop the searches? Can't I learn more from the broad spectrum of opinions that the internet has to offer than I can from hearing one single viewpoint?

So should I keep doing the searches but keep my findings to myself? Should I just cut them down to a more appropriate level? Or do I need to stop all together so I can live my own life and think my own thoughts?

I'm really not sure what the answer is here. Maybe I'll go ask Google.

Leaf peeping? Is that something we do now?

So Martin is big into Christmas. She has a ton of Christmas decorations in big storage tubs up in a spare bedroom that we refer to as the "Christmas Room." Turns out, one of those tubs is full of autumn decorations. Which we put up this weekend!

The most awesome part is not a decoration at all. We've had a "Spice Market" candle burning all day and now our entire house smells like Thanksgiving. The smells are the best part of the holidays, don't you think?

My second favorite part is the lights. I talked Martin into a putting up a bunch of Halloween lights in our front windows. It's really hard to take pictures of twinkle lights, so this is the best I can do. They're warm and glow-y and awesome. I keep waiting to go get the mail until the sun goes down so I can see them in all their glory.

We strung fall leaves most any place we could think of. Woven into the chandelier, up the banister, on the ledge of our key rack, and in front of the television. You can probably guess by the very large, very angsty looking Edward Cullen that we were watching Twilight when I took this picture. I think it's best not to delve too deeply into how that decision got made.

Martin keeps referring to our cat Humphry as a 'decoration' just because he is black and it is October. I keep telling her she's being racist. Apparently she's okay with that. Here you can see him turning up his nose at the weird pumpkin-made-of-orange-flowers. Actually, he's probably just plotting to chew on it as soon as I leave the room.

I put some spooky spiders on this mirror in the entry way. It also fell prey to the fall foliage campaign. Actually, we just finally got around to hanging this mirror today specifically so we could decorate it. That's not weird, right?

We also sprinkled a few cheesy seasonal trinkets to round out the picture. A cheerful scarecrow, a tiny little crate of strange nature-y looking things, and a Halloween cat! (Humphry keeps knocking that one over. We think he is jealous.)

And last but not least, some adorable sock pumpkins my niece made for me last year. We tucked them into one of the DVD shelves next to Ghost Whisperer. It seem appropriate.

Guys. I know that was a ton of pictures of things you probably don't care that much about. But guess what? I WAS HOLDING BACK.

Just wait until the Christmas decorations start going up.

Hiking.

So a while ago, Martin mentioned that we should go hiking sometime. I agreed, but the Arizona summer made it kind of impractical until just recently. Mostly because in July and August, the temperature jumps to 100 degrees the second the sun comes up.

But now it's cool enough in the wee hours of the morning that you can actually go outside without melting. You have until about 10 o'clock in the morning before you get back up into the 90s.

So I started looking. I looked high and low. But mostly online. I had high standards. A local hiking venue with established, clearly marked trails. It was a tall order, but I was committed to making this work. I did the research. I planned it all out.

But when I told Martin about it, she just stared at me blankly. "I didn't think you understand how this works," she sneered. "I suggest things, and we feel good about ourselves for our good intentions. Then we move on. I. Don't. Do. Things." Then she turned on her heel and made to storm off.

"Wait just a minute," I commanded. She froze at the tone of my voice. After all my awesome research, I wasn't willing to just let this go. "Be ready by 6:45 Saturday morning," I instructed. "We're doing this."


Now, once we got out on the trail I discovered something. I had assumed that since I am woefully out of shape, I would be the one holding us back. But as it turns out, Martin is a big fat baby. But we pulled each other through.

At one point we thought we had missed our turn off, and that we would be adding an extra three miles to our four mile hike. But just as we started looking for the second turn off, we found the first one... proving that we have absolutely no concept of distance. Like, at all.

In conclusion, we saw some nice views, we got awesome nice sun burns, and learned that we are nice hikers. Not very good at it, but still pretty nice.



Martin looked sick, stoned, or annoyed in all the pictures of her. So you get two of me instead. You are welcome, Internet.

Overreaction.

I made the mistake of forcing Martin to watch Grey Gardens with me. It's kind of a bizarre film, but the relevant bit is that the two main characters end up living in a house that basically rots around them due to their own negligence. Well, that and a lot of cats.


And because we have cats and haven't vacuumed in a few weeks, she thinks we're turning into those people. And she keeps glaring at me when I leave my dirty plate in the living room.

Sigh.

It's not like I'm tossing empty cans in the corner of the room.

Compromises.

Things which I yesterday promised to do for a five year old today:

1. Make grilled cheese sandwiches.

2. Paint her fingers and toes. Pink.

3. Bring my DVD of the Goofy Movie.
   

It was the only way I could get her to go to sleep. But, to be fair, they seemed like reasonable requests at the time.

Hairs Cut.

I know you were all concerned about the state of my hair. Have no fear, I didn't give into my late night impulses to chop it off myself. I went to a professional.


It was possibly the most expensive hair cut I've ever gotten, but that's really not saying much considering I've only ever gone to beauty schools and Cost Cutters. She did an awesome job. Look! Layers!


Aaand now I have bangs. Again.


Anyway, I like it quite a bit. It's still long enough to do stuff with it, but I don't have to deal with all the weight of it.


I'm super hot. Just admit it.

For the record, I have three brothers and three sisters. This post is not about them. Well, except Martin for a little bit.

So I convinced my sister Martin to go see Scott Pilgrim vs. the World with me. I had to promise to make it a double feature with Eat, Pray, Love to get her to come.* But it was worth it.

It was pretty awesome. Imagine a video game that is not based on a fantasy novel or an action movie or, um, fraternal plumbers, but is instead based on a romantic comedy. Aaaand then they made it back into a movie. That's this film. (For clarity, Scott Pilgrim is a series of graphic novels which was concurrently developed into a film and also a video game which were released around the same time. That time is approximately now.)

There are lots of video game references that may have had some subtler meaning, but made sense and were enjoyable on a surface level as well. And Michael Cera has managed to escape some of his typecasting trend of playing a shy, quiet, dork. I mean, not by much, but a little bit. He's still a nice guy who's a little down on his luck, but he manages to man up and fight for the girl. And *spoiler* finds a little self-respect along the way.

I think it might have helped a lot that I was in a room full of very excited people while watching it. They laughed at every punchline, applauded at every victory. They clearly wanted to be there, and (if their vocalizations were anything to go by) they enjoyed the heck out of it.

I don't know if you will like it, but I sure did.




*This is completely the truth and I am in no way exaggerating Martin's passionate desire to see the film Eat, Pray, Love.

How To Install Your Garage Door With Confidence.

Found sticking out of the VCR in the guest room at my parent's house.

It's not as bizarre as one might initially assume, since my dad has been building a garage for the last 10 years (...and has only recently gotten around to installing a garage door). But the title of the video just makes me giggle.

It sounds like an overly specific self-help video. Like "How to Make Friends While Trimming Your Mustache" or "Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior While Living In Madison, Wisconsin."

The News

What they said: "Covering both sides fairly and accurately."

What I heard: "Covering both sides fairly inaccurately."

To be fair, I'm not sure my interpretation is that far off the mark...

A tip for living with cats.

Martin's cats have an annoying habit of drinking out of any cup left unattended.

The trick to keeping your glass of water cat-free in this house is to leave a decoy cup. In most cases this needs to be a shorter cup with a high water-level, because it is easier for them to drink out of. Cats will always take the path of least resistance. It is science.